Hope I don't die before I get old

So I’m in Schuh, because it’s still my favourite shop, even though I’m old enough to know better. And I see a cute pair of shoes covered in little skulls. And I turn my back on them.

Some time in the early ’80s, I had a cute dress covered in skull-and-crossbones. I thought it was the height of cool. Two decades on, I don’t really need my clothes to be a memento mori.

In the past few months, four people I know well have had a death in the close family. Sometimes I wonder who’s going to be next. Sometimes I wonder when it will be me.

It’s not that I’m morbid. It’s just that, after the last birthday, I realised it’s quite likely I have about the same number of years left as I've already squandered. (Regrets – I’ve had a lot...)

‘Life’s too short’ used to be something that I said. Now it’s something that I mean.

Beware of the flowers (cos I'm sure they're gonna get you)

I love the notion of guerilla gardening. It’s quite subversive, and totally benign. Unless you suffer from hay fever. I’d do it myself if my spare time wasn’t already taken up with damage limitation on my own plot.

Remember the Mallen Streak?

Most women who ‘look good for their age’ dye their hair. Discuss. I always said I wouldn’t dye my hair again because when I went grey I wanted to be there to see it happen. I was quite excited when it did. I thought I’d made it to maturity when I got my first grey hair. I’ve got a few more now and I’m fine with this. In theory. I don’t mind having grey hair: I do mind having boring hair. I have (or had) dark brown hair; it’s been admired from time to time. For some time now I have yearned to have a white streak in it. Now I have discovered that (if I comb it a certain way) I do have one. It made my day. I might never make it as Cruella de Vil. But I might at least manage a Mallen Streak.

Language in the 21st century

I was brought up to always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. No-one says it any more. It’s not because they aren’t polite. It’s because they are too polite. No-one says ‘yes’ or ‘no’ either. The new lexicon of 21st century etiquette goes something like this: You’re a star = thank you (said to someone you know) Lovely = thank you (said to someone you don’t know) Absolutely = yes. Saying ‘no’? ... not answering an email, generally.

Language and the generation gap

My sister’s children have forbidden her to say ‘whatev’. On the grounds that she’s over 25. (Quite a lot over 25, actually.) How things have changed. My mother never wanted to take over our slang. She just laughed at us when we called everything ‘far out’. At the time, she was still describing everything as ‘with it’. ...

‘You were cool once, mum,’ says my niece kindly. ‘In the 70s.’