I promised myself when I went on holiday that I would stay off the internet. (And much of the time, we had no phone signal so I had no choice.) But I couldn’t help thinking of what I might be saying if I was back on Twitter. So here is “what I did on my holiday”, 140 characters at a time.
Day 1 of #holiday. Traffic jam. Car overheats. Nice man selling cherries in lay-by says “turn on the heating”. People overheat.
Interim campsite. The good news: a pub down the road. The bad news: it’s closed for a private party. We twist their arms, and buy cider.
#Holiday, day 2. Why does every car journey in July take four hours?
Campsite (booked for the week) has great views over the sea. And sea breezes. It takes two hours to put up the tent.
Not sure about this campsite. There’s piped music in the loos. And different piped music in the kitchen. Why??
Campsite woman explains why they only have UHT milk in the shop.
Walk to beach. It’s fab. Find the best chippy ever. And a café that “overlooks nothing but the sea”.
Day 3. It’s been hot for weeks. Now it’s stopped. And the view has disappeared.
Campsite woman explains why they can’t offer wi-fi.
Campsite woman explains why they can’t open public areas for campers to shelter when it’s raining.
We find hotel bar with wi-fi so I can check BBC weather app.
Day 4. These mad Cornish roads are terrifying. Especially in the rain.
Day 5. These mad Cornish roads are terrifying. Especially in the fog.
Day 6. Wake up to birdsong and shadows. Amazed at being in the light again. Find fantastic beach, with rock pools.
Day 7. Wind has broken zip on tent. It’s raining again. Give up and leave a day early. Campsite woman explains why we can’t have a refund.
Leave and go somewhere nice instead. It takes four hours.
Day 8. Air BnB. Shelter, and a real bed. And a pub on the corner.
Day 9. #Tolpuddle. Everyone seems to be wearing #Jeremy4leader T shirts.
Local history tour about Tolpuddle Martyrs. Someone’s left flowers in the churchyard “for Tony Benn”.
Villagers are selling cream teas. This is a very civilised festival.
There’s a band on in the kids’ area like a punk Wurzels: rewriting classics with a cider theme. “Viva Lyme Regis.”
This song from @Jonny_Baptists makes me laugh: “Let’s bury Thatcher every week”.
Day 10. @NaomiBedford is on when we arrive at #Tolpuddle. She sounds great. Plus, guest is Justin Currie out of Del Amitri.
#Tolpuddle. I fucking love being called “Comrades”.
Enjoying my free copy of the Morning Star. Info/chattering ratio much better than the Guardian.
No banner from my union so I’m marching in the rally with the local Methodists. Never felt prouder.
I miss Billy Bragg cos I’m at church, and miss Jeremy Corbyn cos waiting for bus. What a fab festival though.
Day 11. Drive to favourite campsite. It takes four hours.
Day 15. Home (four hours). It’s still raining.